Programme Director,
Honourable Mayor van Heerden
Member of the Provincial Legislature, Me Sandra Beukes
Councilor Pastor Quincy
Religious leaders and Clergy present
Members of the Church Committee and Organizing Committee
Esteemed guests
Ladies and Gentlemen

  
I am truly humbled by the Invitation extended to me as the MEC responsible for Social Development by the Emmanuel Pinkster Sending Gemeente to form part of a very important and necessary engagement session that will benefit not only those present here today, but also the broader community of Aggeneys.
Ek wil ook voor ons met die verrigtinge van die dag voortgaan die organiseerders van hierdie samekoms bedank vir die initiatief wat hulle aan die dag gele het om die instelling van die huwelik te vier en ook die instelling van gesonde families te bevorder.
Ek wil ook graag met U ‘n storied deel wat ek gelees het of dalk iewers gehoor het. Om die volle omvang van die storie te verstaan en waardeer moet ek dit egter in Engels oor vertel.
It is a story about a couple who celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They were in their seventies. Ted, the husband, had lost much of his hearing during this time. And yet they were still getting along together and celebrating this great anniversary. Their family came from all over and enjoyed celebrating together through the midmorning into the afternoon. Finally, toward sundown, all the family went home.
Bessie and Ted decided to walk out on the front porch and sit down on the swing and watch the sunset. The old gentleman pulled his tie loose and leaned back and didn’t say much.
Bessie looked at him somewhat in wonder and said to him, “You know, Ted, I’m real proud of you.”
The old gentleman turned and looked at her rather quizzically and after a moment said, with a puzzled look on his face, “Well, Bessie, I’m real tired of A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband
Sadly, far too many marriages reach that same place. The husband and the wife just get tired of one another and they go their separate ways. That is not God’s ideal for marriage. It would seem that or it is generally accepted that a good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
God wants marriages to be strong. He wants them to last long. He wants them to be a reflection of His relationship with His redeemed people.
Dames en here, God eis van ons as gelowiges om aan die Satan geen vatplek te gee nie, allermins nie in ons huwelik nie. Ongelukkig luister baie mense nie na God se raad nie en as dinge in hul huwelik skeefloop, raak hulle so maklik sinies daaroor.
 
Ek verluister my soms aan al die dinge wat mense oor die huwelik kwytraak. Die kruks van die saak is dat dit van groot hartseer in hul lewens getuig. En die ergste is dat hulle dit oor hulself bring. Huweliksmart is gewoonlik selfopgelegde smart. Desondanks kla mense steen en been oor die swaar lewens kruise wat hulle moet dra asof God hulle straf terwyl hierdie kruise niks anders as die maaksel van hul eie hande is nie.

Nie alle mislukte huwelike eindig in die skeihof nie. Baie mense leef maar daarmee saam totdat die dood hulle van hul hel op aarde verlos. Baie mense wat finansieel sterk staan, ervaar brandarm huwelike. Vir my is daar geen groter rykdom as goeie gesondheid en ‘n voortreflike huweliksmaat nie!
Dames en here, ons het in ons midde verskeie ervare en kundige sprekers wat oor die onderwerp van die dag kan praat. Ek wil nie te veel daarop dwaal nie en wil graag praat oor die rol wat die Regering speel in die bou en bevordering van sterk, gesonde en liefdevolle huwelike.
Ek wil my verstoud deur te se dat deesdae is dit baie makliker om getroud te raak as deur getroud te bly. Dit is ongelukkig die werklikheid wat ons in die gesig staar. Die statistieke skets ‘n donker en depressiewe prentjie en dit verg ‘n verenigde poging deur die kerk, gemeenskap, huweliksmaats en die regering om ‘n positiewe ommeswaai te bewerkstellig.
Ladies and gentlemen, you might ask why government should get involved in something as personal as marriage. While we need to ensure that government's role is properly harnessed in this area, we also need to recognize that there is abundant research proving that children raised in homes headed by continuously married parents fare, on average, better educationally and economically than children growing up in any other family structure. And besides, the government is already involved. Its most common role is stepping in after a crisis or when a family is already suffering from less than favorable circumstances. Government is present in divorce proceedings, child support collections, child support grants, and foster care. Wouldn't it be more beneficial to prevent family crises rather than mopping up the mess afterward?
And South Africa as the rest of the developing world has quite a mess when it comes to divorce, a reality recently acknowledged by our sensus results. - Fewer people are getting married now than 10 years ago, female divorcées are getting older and men are more likely to remarry multiple times.
This is according to Statistics South Africa, announcing the results of the “Marriages and divorces 2014” study, which found that wedding bells rang one hundred and fifty thousand eight hundred and fifty two times for civil marriages in 2014, cattle were likely slaughtered in the three thousand and sixty two customary marriages concluded that year, and there were one thousand one hundred and forty four civil unions.
However, the judge’s gavel also came crashing down in divorce proceedings a staggering twenty four thousand six hundred and eighty nine times during the same period, up 3,4% from 2013, mainly at the request of the female partner.
Of these, 37,1% of divorcées were from the black African population group, followed by whites (28,2%), coloureds and finally Indian/Asian.
Ladies and gentlemen, if divorce were a physical disease, we'd declare a national emergency. Clearly it's of epidemic proportions in our Country.
Of course, the goal is not to penalize the couple who chooses divorce, nor encourage people to remain in abusive or unhealthy relationships. The goal is to establish positive ways for government to support healthy marriages.
Die Department van Maatskaplike Ontwikkeling asook ons vennote in die Sosiale en Maatskaplike Sektor en ook in die Justisie Sektor het baie omvattende programme wat daarop gemik is om die familie eenheid te preserver en die morele degenerasie aan te spreek.
Die Eenheid Families bevorder die daarstelling en onderhoud van gesonde verhoudinge as ‘n basis vir die versterking van die familie. Die familie is een van die wonderlikste gawes wat God aan ons toevertrou het en word beskou as die kern van die lewe van ‘n volk, gemeenskappe en die kerk.  Families word gesien as die hoeksteen van die samelewing en daar is vele voordele wat ons daaruit kan put.

Dit is oor en oor bewys dat kinders wat uit ‘n gesonde en liefdevolle huwelik kom en opgroei groter mate van akademiese en sosiale sukses behaal teenoor kinder suit gebroke huwelike. Gesonde huwelike het ook ‘n positiewe invloed op die gemeenskap as geheel. Kinders uit vervalle huwelike en gesinne is meer geneig om betrokke te raak by misdaad, dwelmmisbruik en ander anti sosiale en kriminele aktiwiteite. Ouers en kinders in gesonde families in die algemeen is ook meer suksesvol en die korporatiewe wereld. Daar is die uitsonderinge, maar dit is baie gering.
 
Ladies and gentlemen, The White Paper on Families (2103), promotes the collaboration and coordination of Family Preservation Services to Families in partnership with Stakeholders such as Non-Governmental Organizations and Faith Based Organizations. FAMSA, as a stakeholder, is funded to render Family Preservation Services and in conjunction with our own programmes and Social Workers aim not only to promote healthy families, but the holistic moral regeneration of our people. I call upon you to seek guidance and assistance from the Department and with the Church I am sure we will provide the support and assistance needed to overcome marital problems. We are here to serve and we will do what is required to ensure that the family is restored and the damage caused is minimized.  

We do in collaboration with the church provide Marriage Preparation Programs and this program is seen as a preventive measure to provide couples with information and assistance on important matters prior to marriage to prevent problems arising, rather than treating this problems after they have developed. It is also seen as a process of opening up, discovery of the self, growth as an individual, acquiring communication and the handling of conflict.

Marriage Enrichment Programs is a preventative approach to reach couples before they get involved in dysfunctional patterns, while they are still motivated to work on their relationship. Marriage Enrichment focus on learning and improving skills, decision making, handling of conflict and to establish the aims and objectives of the relationship. It is thus a means to improve what is already good – to discover and rediscover potential.

Marriage counseling as an intervention process, is provided to couples who experience challenges in their marriages. It is an intensive therapeutic service, focused on emotions, communication skills, and the ability to resolve conflict and to assist the couples to find a win – win solution to their problems. As a matter of interest I can report that my Department has for the past year rendered counseling services to one thousand one hundred and thirty six individuals and couples.

National Marriage Week is spearheaded by the magazine INTIEM in collaboration with the Department of Social Development. It is   celebrated annually from the 1 – 7 September with the aim to promote the benefits of marriage on individuals, families, communities and the nation at large. Marriage Week promotes various benefits , such as : the  provision  of opportunities to celebrate the gift and blessing of marriage and to affirm and support engaged and married couples; encourage diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate and build stronger marriage culture- which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children; encourage couples to take time and learn new skills to take their marriages from good to very good  and  highlights the benefits of marriage to all society .

In order to promote healthy relationships and strengthen marital unions, the Department has forged collaborative partnership with various Stakeholders. Therefore it is realized that the home, the school, the workplace, the church, media, public and private sector, community and most importantly the family members all contribute to a stronger family life.

Dames en here, dit is duidelik dat daar ‘n daadwerklike bereidwilligheid is van die Regering om te verseker dat die gesinseenheid behoue bly. Tog moet ons erken dat in die veeleisende tye waarin ons lewe daar groot druk op die familie as instelling is. Die vraag is hoe oorleef ons die storms van ons tyd wat die familie bedeig? Kan die Kanaan wat die spul is waarom die lewe vir ons draai weer in ons tyd sterk en gesond word dat dit kan meewerk om die samelewing rondom ons te verander? Ek wil vir U se dat Ja, Kanaan kan droogte kry, maar ons kan deur samewerking en vernuwing weer die poorte van Kanaan ingaan en wat God vir ons bestem het herstel en geniet.

Een van die pynlikste ervaringe in ons land was die stelsel van Apartheid. Met die genade van God kon ons hierdie verlede agter ons sit en aanbeweeg. Maar ons kon dit slegs doen deur versoening en vergifnis. Daarom ook so het hierdie Apartheidstelsel ten doel gehad om families te verdeel en te verwoes. Die geweld en inhegtenisneming van hoe die Regering dan mense en families uitmekaar gehou het. Die trekstelsel en gedwonge verskuiwing van mense het families uitmekaar geskeur  en dit het ‘n invloed op die familie stelsel gehad. Van hierdie wonde dra van ons nou nog, maar met die proses van versoening en vergifnis en ook vernuwing kan ons in vrede leef en saamleef.

Ten spyte van hierdie bose en pynlike ervarings is daar model gesinne wat ons kan voorhou waar selfs bose stelsels nie daarin kon slag om hulle af  te breek nie. Een sprankelende voorbeeld van ‘n gesin wat tenspyte van alle pyn en verskeuring volhard het was die van Walter en Albertina Sisulu. Albei was aktiviste van format en wyle Walter was een van die die manne wat saam met ons ontslape Oud President Mandela vir baie jare op Robben Eiland opgesluit was. Albertina kon as moeder die gesin hier en die wat in “Exile” was bymekaar hou. En ons kan met tere herinderinge onthou hoe mooi dit was nadat Walter vrygelaat was en die gesin herenig was. Dit bly vir my ‘n toonbeeld van ‘n huwelik en gesin wat ten spyte van alle ontberinge kon staan en floreer. Dis soos ons altyd na verwys wanner iets onshudbaar is- dan se ons “the centre holds”. En die huwelik is daardie onwrikbare centre wat staan en vooruitgang sal verseker.

Ten slotte wil ek u daaraan herinder dat niemand kan jou huwelik sukses waarborg nie, dis maar net God se genade en harde werk. Die huwelik is harde werk. Dit moet konstant gevoed en vernuwe word. Niks is onmoontlik as jy seker is dat jou krag van God kom nie. As jy foute gemaak het, moenie bang wees om dit teenoor jou huweliksmaat te erken nie. Jy kan niks daardeur verloor nie. Jy mag selfs verbaas wees oor wat jy daarmee gaan wen!

Moenie ‘n dag langer sonder huweliksvreugde leef nie. Jy doen jouself onreg aan. Luister na die woorde van die wyse koning Salomo in Pred.9:9: “Geniet die
lewe met die vrou wat jy liefhet, al die dae van jou nietige lewe” Dit geld natuurlik ook vir die man.
Jy gaan niks tref as jy nie daarvoor mik nie. Mik vir ‘n goeie huwelik. Moenie dat die son in jou huwelikslewe onder gaan nie. Moenie bang wees vir die môre wat jy nog nie gesien het nie. Wuif vir die verlede en wink vir die toekoms.

Mag U ‘n vrugtevolle dag he.

Daie Dankie